Monday, September 1, 2014

Sunday's Song~Don't Give Up

It seems like we are making little strives with Noah.  His psychiatrist pointed out his concerns with his Internet girlfriend relationship and a few days later I shared what happened and my concerns about the Internet relationship.  His therapist agreed there are so many flags and concerns.  After Noah spoke to her, he agreed he needed to investigate.  At this point I believe he has realized the relationship was not healthy.  We are taking one day at a time, that is all you can do with depression and high anxiety.  Plus side, Noah is telling me he loves me, all on his own, without me coaxing him to saying it back.  Little steps people, little steps.

My Sunday Song posted a day late and I will be linking up to Miss Angie's Musical Monday.  Enjoy!


 Don't Give Up (feat. P!NK & John Legend)   Herbie Hancock

In this proud land we grew up strong
We were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail

No fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my face, I've changed my name
But no-one wants you when you lose

Don't give up
'cos you have friends
Don't give up
You're not beaten yet
Don't give up
I know you can make it good

Though I saw it all around
Never thought that I could be affected
Thought that we'd be last to go
It is so strange the way things turn

Drove the night toward my home
The place that I was born, on the lakeside
As daylight broke, I saw the earth
The trees had burned down to the ground

Don't give up
You still have us
Don't give up
We don't need much of anything
Don't give up
'cause somewhere there's a place
Where we belong

Rest your head
You worry too much
It's going to be alright
When times get rough
You can fall back on us
Don't give up
Please don't give up

Got to walk out of here
I can't take any more
Going to stand on that bridge
Keep my eyes down below
Whatever may come
And whatever may go
That river's flowing
That river's flowing

Moved on to another town
Tried hard to settle down
For every job, so many men
So many men no-one needs

Don't give up
'cause you have friends
Don't give up
You're not the only one
Don't give up
No reason to be ashamed
Don't give up
You still have us
Don't give up now
We're proud of who you are
Don't give up
You know its never been easy
Don't give up
No matter what you do
Don't give up
'cause I believe there's a place
There's a place where we belong.
Don't give up


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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

What's New?


I have a lot of ugliness going on in my life.  I share my life here on my blog.  It was I have always intended this blog to be about, a place for my children to go to to know about their Mom a little more, then I found an entire new world through blogging which I am so happy I did with the linky parties and the wonderful bloggie friends.

It has been a very different and difficult year for me.  I will be posting regularly and I know you read a post recently with me saying this before but I did not expect my weeks to be the way they have been.  I have to post this little thank you because I do not want her to think it has gone unappreciated.

I won a blog give away and received my goodies last week.   Patty's Pretty Things had a Give Away x2 and I won!  I love what Patty makes.  I love her cards and tags.   Her blog is one of my absolutes I have to read, she is so creative and I love how she takes us with her on her adventures.  Thanks Patty!  Her give away was two parts really.  Her creative tags and cards (by the way she sales these too) and green Ball canning jars.  The company reached out to her, you can read about it here in her give away by clicking here Give Away x2.   I plan to have pictures added in a different post but you can click on my links to see it.  I also plan to make some neat things with three of the canning jars as soon as things calm down here on the home front.

I have had some friends ask if everything is going alright via email.  To answer, NO.  My son, Noah is worse than I thought.  I seriously think there is something wrong with him other than depression.  He has these friends, and who knows it may be the same person, who live in Canada.  He met them through an online gaming service and ever since then he has been acting in this self destructive manner.  These people never have pictures of themselves, one is his girlfriend now.  He does not know her last name, she will not send him her phone number, and she has sent one picture but it looks like a magazine photo.  These two people often talk about suicide with him and this is where it all starts.  Everything peeked once again Monday night, his girlfriend for the third night in a row threatened to kill herself, he refused to give me his lap top.  His computer time is limited due to the doctor when he was hospitalized in May.  He called me every name in the book and over a dozen times how my Father would not approve of me.  He even stood up and nose to nose with me and he was spitting mad yelling these ugly things and pushed me.  It was not a hard push but a challenge push.  I was rather impressed with how well I handled all of this.  I never yelled once.  I have no idea how I was so rational because normally I would have been yelling and possibly pushed back but all I felt was this frustration, anger, and yet calm feeling.  I do not know if it came from earlier in the morning when I prayed to God. I prayed HE would comfort me because I am so sad and feel so lost.  I really need HIM, maybe God was there for me calming me.  I am happy with the way I handled it through.  It showed Noah, you can deal with situations without violence or yelling.  Noah did not like what I asked Todd to do next though.  He refused to hand over his lap top and his girlfriend was refusing to give her cell phone number to him, so I turned to Todd and asked him to take the router.  Todd did.  Noah ran away.  This was all around 10:30.  Iowa City has a curfew for children and for Noah's age 11:00 is the curfew.  I logged into his account and read what he and his girlfriend had been chatting, After this I went to look for him.  I did not find him but he saw me and called me once again to inform me I am a slut and my Dad would not approve of me and then hung up.  My oldest son, Matthew was called by Noah.  He is Noah's go to person.  I am very proud how Matthew has matured to this beautiful young man and his girlfriend, Hannah, I love as well.  She told me what was going on with Matthew and Noah and I let her know what happened.  She shared with me that I am a good Mom.  I needed to hear that.

Last night, I found he had tripled his depression medicine, took more than what he normally takes of Melatonin and took my butcher knife.  Once I noticed my knife was missing, I had two gut feelings.  One: he planned on using it on me and possibly Todd because he was so angry with us or Two: when I open his bedroom door with the lights out I was going to find a bloody mess.  Thankfully two never happened.  He said he had the knife for protection because the night before Todd spoke up to Noah.  Todd rarely becomes involved with the discipline unless the child is out of control and he was.  On Monday, he told Noah to stop talking to me the way he was and Noah told him to mind his own fucking business.  Todd, who I don't blame, did not take well to Noah's response.  Todd's temper came out and he started walking towards Noah and pointing.  He told Noah to straighten up and informed him the next time he lays a finger on me then he will lay a finger on him.  Noah told him he is not afraid of him; Todd told him oh little boy, you think you are tough but you should be afraid of me.  Matthew later that night explained again what Todd meant to Noah but all Noah took out of it is Todd threatened him.  Also on Monday before Noah ran one of the things he said was how he wished I was dead.  He made a comment on how he wished someone would take care of me and put him out of his misery.  Due to the fact he took the butcher's knife we now have everything and anything one can hurt them self with or someone with in a tub which will be carried down many stairs to the cars when we leave.  All meds too.  Our door will be locked at night when we sleep.

So yeah, this is why I have not been blogging.  I will return but I need to get somethings under control here.  Thank you Patty for the wonderful goodies.

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Sunday, August 17, 2014

Sunday's Song ~We Are Done


I am loving how some of the new songs have such a nostalgic sound and this song is one of them.  I love the beat and the retro sound.  I enjoy the video and the message from the video.   I will be posting this on Monday to Miss Angie's Musical Monday as well. Enjoy!


"We Are Done"

I want you to know
It’s time to go
Yeah we are done
I want you to see
That I need (oh) to be free

(Done done done done done done)
We are done
(Done done done done done done)
We are...

Done with being a silent many
Every voice rings out and carries
No we won’t just go back
Home without you hearing
The sound when the many say
We are done

You, first brought the sun
For everyone, uh here to see
Why, does it always change
To guns and chains, eventually

(Done done done done done done)
We are done
(Done done done done done done)
We are...

Done with being a silent many
Every voice rings out and carries
No we won’t just go back
Home without you hearing
The sound when the many say
We are done

Done with being a silent many
Every voice rings out and carries
No we won’t just go back
Home without you hearing
The sound when the many say
We are done

We are Done
I want you to know
it’s time to go
yeah we are done.
I want you to see
that I need to be free.
We are done.
We are
Done with being a silent many
Every voice rings out and carries
No we won’t just go back
Home without you hearing
the sound when the many say
We are done.
You, first brought the sun
for everyone, here to see.
Why, does it always change
to guns and chains, eventually.
We are done.
We are…
Done with being a silent many
Every voice rings out and carries
No we won’t just go back
Home without you hearing
the sound when the many say
we are
Done with being a silent many
Every voice rings out and carries
No we won’t just go back
Home without you hearing
the sound when the many say
We are done.
We are done.
- See more at: http://www.ryanseacrest.com/2014/05/30/madden-brothers-talk-new-song-we-are-done-nicole-richie-and-cameron-diaz/#sthash.w1pYOzsK.dpuf
We are Done
I want you to know
it’s time to go
yeah we are done.
I want you to see
that I need to be free.
We are done.
We are
Done with being a silent many
Every voice rings out and carries
No we won’t just go back
Home without you hearing
the sound when the many say
We are done.
You, first brought the sun
for everyone, here to see.
Why, does it always change
to guns and chains, eventually.
We are done.
We are…
Done with being a silent many
Every voice rings out and carries
No we won’t just go back
Home without you hearing
the sound when the many say
we are
Done with being a silent many
Every voice rings out and carries
No we won’t just go back
Home without you hearing
the sound when the many say
We are done.
We are done.
- See more at: http://www.ryanseacrest.com/2014/05/30/madden-brothers-talk-new-song-we-are-done-nicole-richie-and-cameron-diaz/#sthash.w1pYOzsK.dpuf
We are Done
I want you to know
it’s time to go
yeah we are done.
I want you to see
that I need to be free.
We are done.
We are
Done with being a silent many
Every voice rings out and carries
No we won’t just go back
Home without you hearing
the sound when the many say
We are done.
You, first brought the sun
for everyone, here to see.
Why, does it always change
to guns and chains, eventually.
We are done.
We are…
Done with being a silent many
Every voice rings out and carries
No we won’t just go back
Home without you hearing
the sound when the many say
we are
Done with being a silent many
Every voice rings out and carries
No we won’t just go back
Home without you hearing
the sound when the many say
We are done.
We are done.
- See more at: http://www.ryanseacrest.com/2014/05/30/madden-brothers-talk-new-song-we-are-done-nicole-richie-and-cameron-diaz/#sthash.w1pYOzsK.dpuf

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Saturday, August 16, 2014

This Past Week


Wow!  I cannot believe how fast the year has gone by and here it is the middle of August and I have not blogged much this year at all.  The little parties I regularly linked to I have missed.  I am going to do my best to try to make the time once again because I truly enjoy it.  I have been very depressed this year.  This year has been a crazy roller coaster and to be perfectly honest, in most avenues of my life this year I have not been happy.  I do not think I have ever had a job as stressful as the one I currently have.  I enjoy my job but our case loads are way too high, too much work and honestly not enough time to do it all.  What is sad is we do not have all of the employee's for our client yet.  This client has over 1.3 million employees. 

I feel like my sisters have left me out of some things with my Dad.  The hospice he was admitted with do special events in memory of the lost loved one.  I am never told about any of this until I see the pictures on Facebook.  Yeah, the Internet after they are over. I can honestly say my feelings are very hurt.  They did not even call me when it came time to pick up his ashes.  I want to say something but I really want to have less stress in my life right now.

Noah, well I see glimpses of the Noah prior to depression every now and then.  It seems like once a month for nearly a week he has what I call his bad days.  He still has harmful thoughts during that week.  He will be entering high school this coming Tuesday.  I have to say, I have mixed emotions about school starting.  I was hoping he would be mentally more even before school starts, however I think being in a routine and not home sulking he cannot be on the computer as much as he wants will be good.  I also am in hopes he will make some new friends who will be healthier for him.  His old friends, except for one seem to love to team up on him and degrade him.  This is not what a depressed kid needs.  I do have some comfort that Ethan will be there in school as well.  I cannot believe he is a Senior this year.  In four more years I will have my last child as a Senior.  This will be such a different way of life for me.  I have had a child in school for 20 years now, 24 then.  Life will definitely be different. 

My house is starting to feel great, less clutter and more organization.  It feels great!  My small living room is nearly completed.  I have been slowly working on it for a year now and cannot wait until it is complete.  Todd has been fixing a few things around the house and I love it!  Our garden is keeping me very busy too.  The freezing has begun and within the next couple of weeks the canning will start.

As for my blog, I realize I have been blogging less but I have been very busy.  This week I do plan on posting my weekly link ups, although Art@Home is on a break, I still plan on posting my book reviews.  I have so many to get caught up.  I definitely will be posting one or two of them this coming week.  Sunday's Song will be here and I will try to link it up to Miss Angie's Musical Monday.  I will be posting a Happy List this week.  Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!  I won two give-a-ways this week and I cannot wait to share.  I will finish two post of our Chicago trip this week, the boat tour and Millennium Park.  If I am lucky enough to complete a project tomorrow I will post a DIY project as well.  I will definitely get my Friday Confessions in this week. So much is going on in my life right now and I want my blog to be my recording once again.  Oh, I have a new Spaghetti Squash recipe I will be posting this week along with gardening post.  Have a wonderful weekend my dear friends.  It is time for me to get things moving now.

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Sunday, August 10, 2014

Navy Pier~ Smith Museum of Stained Glass Windows


While we were in Chicago to celebrate our anniversary we left our beautiful Eaglewood Resort (click here to read about the Resort and Spa)  and headed to the Navy Pier in Chicago.  We parked our wonderful rented vehicle.
 
We loved this little SUV.  

Once parked we entered into the Navy Pier building.  We have been here a couple of times,



but we have never walked through the entire building before and we had several hours before our cruise so we decided to check it out.  The first thing we found was the Smith Museum of Stained Glass Windows. I absolutely loved them and I love the fact Todd is so willing to do things he would have not thought of and I absolutely love when he is so surprised in the end how much he enjoyed doing it.  Just like the time we went to the Garfield Conservatory in Chicago.  You can read about it by clicking here Vacations 2010.
Theses windows (150 displays) are apart of Chicago's artistic history and cultural and they represent windows from 1870 to present.  Some of the artist include Louis Comfort Tiffany and John LaFarge, as well as Chicago artists Ed Paschke and Roger Brown.  The museum is free to the public.  Warning:  Below is an over load of photos but they are too beautiful not to share.










Above is a 3-D stained glass is what they are calling it.  
My picture does not do any justice for this window.








Above is one of my favorites.



Below is another favorite.
Jesus with the little children.


The following six I love as well.
The colors are so vibrant.
I think they are done by Louis Comfort Tiffany.









Below is my ultimate favorite.  
It was Todd's favorite too.
We also enjoyed this one.
This is only a small sample of what we saw some the lighting were too poor to take a picture of.  A few I did not find as interesting or looked like others I took a picture of prior.  One they did have but the light behind it was too poor was a Martin Luther King Jr stained glass window.  It was neat and I wished the light behind it was better. We actually had a great time.  The rest of the building was restaurants and stores. 

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