Friday, May 28, 2010

Family Bonds

I find lately that I miss the closeness to my family. I don't mean family as in my children, husband, and Mother but the closeness between sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparent. These are times I miss, laughing with everyone, feeling the bond we had. It seemed so many years ago now and sometimes when I think back I become very sad.

I come from a large family from both sides, Mother and Father. Mother's side there were 13 kids in total and they each had a few children. Holidays were always full and busy. I can remember how loud it was and smokey my Grandparent's home was. Listening to the Aunts, Uncles, Grandfather, as well as my Father become drunk and do the typical stupid drunk things. All of my cousins, my older younger sister and I would sit back and laugh at their drunkard silliness.

On my Father's side, we would go every weekend Saturday and Sunday to spend time with everyone, not just the holidays. He was 1 of 8 children. Gathering on his side was loud with laughter as well, the drinking didn't happen here. My cousins and I would make tents out of blankets in the back half of the basement and spy on our Aunts and Uncles. We would put on shows for everyone in the house. We would play with hot wheel cars, barbies, and even make mud pies with wild grapes. My cousin Brian would eat every mud pie we made.

Life seemed so simple then and pleasurable. My younger sisters never experienced this bond. While they were 2 years old and 5 years old, my parents divorced. At first on my Father's side we were included in the activities but once my Father moved to Arizona, that changed. It was as if they divorced us as well.

My Mother's side fell apart after my Grandmother died and even put an end after my Grandfather died. It's sad that the closeness doesn't exist any longer at all.

As for my sisters and I. I used to be very close to them, always there for them during all their hardship as well as good times. My family is not perfect but they are my family. I have 2 sisters that have chosen to live a life like my Father with addictions. The year I divorced was an awful year for me, it was also the same year our Grandfather was died, my Mom's Father. I felt so betrayed from each of my sisters during this year. I needed someone, anyone of them. My Mother was busy taking care of her Father, as where she should have been. She even mentioned to me after he passed how horrible she felt because she wasn't there for me. She actually was, she allowed me to move in and live in her basement with my boys. I paid 1/3 of all the bills and bought my own groceries but having a place that I could afford while I was able to get on my feet again was helpful. My sisters, however wasn't there, if anything they each caused more stress in my life in their own way. I had to withdraw from my own sisters that meant so much to me to become healthier mentally for myself.

I feel bad that my children have not experienced this. There were so many years in our house without laughter. Oh, I would laugh with my children or things they did but that was the extent of it. My husband now has created a place where we can laugh. I think he was an Angel that God provided in our lives. He has the closeness with his sister and his Mom like I miss on my side of the family. I wish my Mother lived closer to us, I love it when she comes to visit.

I miss my sisters, I miss my cousins, I miss my aunts and uncles. I miss the simple times with the laughing and the silliness.

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