I hate that I let this weight get in the way of this. My 25th class reunion was this pass weekend. I did not go; I did not want to go alone. I needed Todd to go with me to feel more confident maybe? I do not know. He does not know any of the people I graduated. Maybe because I was afraid I would be alone. Now that is a stupid feeling as well because I knew at least 4 people that were going that I know would have included me and not make me feel like an outcast. Why? Why did I worry about this when I had many friends back then? I have struggled with this Friday; it was the first scheduled night of the reunions. This is the one that I really wish I went to. It was more informal and I think two of my friends went to this event only. The pictures they posted on Facebook looked like it was a good time. I even had a dream about the reunion that night prior to seeing photos.
I think the main reason I held back and insecurity is my weight. I am 7 sizes larger then I was when I graduated. I am 120 lbs heavier then I was when I graduated. That is an entire person. I know people tend to gain weight, they have wrinkles, and hair does turn to have gray in it. The pictures I saw showed all of these elements, but no one gained as much weight as I did that I noticed in the pictures, some look exactly as they did the day we graduated. It was as if time stood still for them. Lucky SOBs.
I think another reason is that I feel career wise, I am not at my potential at all. Here I have a BA and I work at an entry level basically. Yes, I am considered as a “leader” position so to say but with no title or pay.
So here I am today, regretting my decision mainly because of my weight once again. I seriously need to get serious about this and take care of my unhealthy state.