Saturday, September 18, 2010

Then My Cloud Nine turned into a Storm Cloud

September 14-15, 2010

I was so not feeling well Tuesday morning when I woke up. I ended up calling in sick because of feeling so poorly. Wows, I needed to be better by the time we had our dance class, so I started to take some medication to assist me to get through and at least be able to make it to our lessons. As the day progressed I did feel better, I was so excited. That evening was an evening I had been waiting for a year now, to continue our dance lessons. On our way to the class, my stomach started to get sick again. I was so afraid that my left knee would not make it through the lessons. I did not want to let Todd down, I did not want to know that I will never be able to do this again. I thought I was actually going to be sick again from being so nervous. The music began and we were given our first reminder of the night. My heart was pounding with excitement now. I walked away that evening on Cloud Nine. I was on a natural high. Oh sure, we fumbled and we were rusty and I did not anticipate anything differently but I DID IT! I overcame this ongoing pain in my left knee and was able to dance again and make it through the entire lesson. I had so many emotions going on, thrilled, pleased, accomplished, as well as the others I listed above. I was truly thrilled, THEN we came home. Once I walked in I noticed one of the cats had thrown up in the living room. This time it looked a little different. I asked the boys if they had any idea which cat did it. Joshua answered he was pretty sure it was Libby. He said that she was acting funny. I asked him what did he mean and he said that she was over by our entertainment center in our room and looked funny, she kept backing her rear end towards the entertainment center and making a weird howl. He said they picked her up and she cried out, so they let her down and then they found her laying on her side in the hall with some sort of liquid behind her on the carpet. I went to look for her and found her asleep so I did not see what they were talking about. I told Todd and we both thought that was odd.

Later that night a couple of hours after we came home and shortly after Todd left for work, I found Libby in our walk in closet. She tended to rest there often, but remembering how she was sick, I thought I did not want a mess in there, so I went to her and gently moved her. She cried out when I barely touched her. I then watched her move ever so gingerly and what Joshua had described with the entertainment center. She was haunched over, she acted like she wanted to sit but was not doing it. I watched her finally fall over to lay on the floor. I then went over and petted her, when I touched her belly, she cried out. Something was wrong with our poor Libby. I called for Kera and asked for her to call her to come, Libby always went to Kera when she called her, Libby didn't get up at all. I then called Todd and told him I thought Libby needed to go to the vet in the morning when he came home. It was 11 pm by this time. I told him I would keep my eye on her. She kept wanting to hide under the bed or behind the couch. I remember someone telling me that when cats are ready to die they go and hide. Near 1 a.m. it was very obvious that Libby was in a lot of pain. I could not handle seeing her like this and did not want her to suffer. I called Todd and asked him what he thought about me taking her to the ER Vet. He gave me the name of the place that was open 24 hours and asked for me to make a call to them. I did so and then called him back, we both decided it was time for me to take her.

I did not want Kera to come with me. She is a very emotional person and sometimes can be dramatic and I knew this would be to tough for her to handle. I remembered what it was like when we had to make the horrid decision to euthanasia our dog, Jordan. Noah was there with us, he was only 2 but it was hard on him and he remembers to this day that morning. All the boys do. I promised myself then that I would never have a child go through that again, not even my step daughter. I called Kera when I was half way to the ER Vet and explained this to her. I knew she would be mad but I did it for her. She did not want me to make an decisions. I told her I would not that it would be her Father. She said she wanted to have a say in the decision as well. I told her that I would keep her informed but it would be her Father's decision. We arrived to the hospital and I was told immediately that Libby was dehydrated and that she had not drank anything for at least 2 days. She told me that Libby's bladder was hard, that that is why Libby stopped drinking. When cats are in pain from a bladder, they automatically will stop drinking to prevent more pain. She told me that she needed to do a urine analysis to determine if she has any crystals in her urine or if it is some sort of bacterial infection. When Libby was 3 she had a blockage with crystals in her bladder. She had an operation then to correct it, but she was prone to this now that she had it I was informed by the doctor. Libby was brought back to me while they waited for the results. She did not want to be held, so I put her down. She immediately went to a corner of the room and threw up two times. I then picked her up and kept petting her in her favorite spot near her ears. She looked up at me and gave me a soft meow. I kept petting her and holding her close to me. She was purring a lot. The doctor had told me that cats will pur when they are in pain too, I wanted to believe it was because she was happy, but knew down deep that probably was not the real reason. The doctor came in and told me that there were not enough crystals in the urine create the blockage, she felt that it was some sort of stone. She also mentioned she had a lot of other sludge in there, whatever that meant. She then told me that this is rare in female cats but when it does occur it is hard to treat them because of the way their plumbing is made. It would be a risky operation with Libby being 12 years old. She had a chance of not making it. She said our choices are either the operation or euthanasia. This is something Todd and I feared, hearing the doctor made me sick to my stomach. I was hoping that she would come back and tell me that it was a bacterial infection but deep down I knew it was something serious now the doctor just verbal confirmed my fears. The doctor left the room so I can call Todd and give him the information about Libby so we could make the decision for what was best for poor Libby. It was a very hard call. Poor Todd could not get away from work to come with me. I knew this was going to be tough on him. Libby is one of his babies. I gave him the dreaded news and he asked me what I thought, if I thought that we needed to put her down. I cried and answered yes, she's in a lot of pain and we do not have a guarantee that she will make it through the operation. He somberly said then that is what we need to do, he would call Kera and talk to her. I asked if he wanted me to go get her and he said he will call me back.

I felt like I was going to get sick while I waited for him to call me back. Poor Todd, he was not even going to get a chance to say goodbye. It just did not seem fair. About an hour later both Emily and Kera arrived. The girls were both crying and very understandable, however Kera...well Kera is a very very emotional person and sometimes does not think before she acts. I knew this would be too hard for her. Emily was very embarrassed of her and was yelling at her behavior. I felt so bad for Emily, Kera, and poor poor Libby. It was after 2 when the doctor told us that Libby did not have a heart beat any longer. It was tough on each of us. I did not want to cry in front of the girls. I had to be strong. I called Todd and told him and let him know that Emily wanted to go and see him. I carried Libby out to my car in the box that she was placed in. Kera was concerned that they just tossed her in and I promised her as soon as we were home I would check the box. I did as I told, there was Libby laying in the box so peacefully. She looked as if she was asleep. Kera stayed up with me for a while because she need to talk. Emily called us later and told us that her Dad was having a hard time with this because he did not have the opportunity to tell her Goodbye. We told the girls we would bury Libby after school when the boys came home.

That day seemed to drag. Joshua called and he needed me to go pick him up. Matthew called and said he wanted to be there, so I went and picked him up after I picked up Joshua, I also had Noah with me.. I told the boys what happened with Libby. As I finished the drive we were very quiet. The girls were home. Ethan was home. It was time to start. I woke up Todd. Matthew and Joshua were God sends to Todd. I do not think he could have dug the grave for Libby, the boys did it. He would laugh a little with some of their conversation while they dug. The boys were joking trying to get through what they were doing. They had to break through several roots and they also accidentally cut a cable line (to this day we still do not know who's it is, so we are thinking it must have been a dead cable line.) The hole was large enough and 3 ft deep. I went inside to get Libby. The girls had a card that they wrote to her and signed everyone's name to it. They also picked up flowers. Todd opened the box so he could pet her one more time and say his Goodbyes. My heart tugged, then it was Kera's turn to pet her, then Emily, then Noah, and Ethan, Joshua, and finally Matthew. My heart was so heavy, I looked over and Noah had tears streaming down his check. I went to hug him, he told me he chose to wear black that day for Libby. I nearly lost it but I had to be strong for all of them. Kera placed some dirt on the box and Emily shortly after her, the boys then started to fill in our sweet Libby's grave. The mood was different, we all were so quiet. After the boys filled in the grave there was a some dirt left over and Todd asked me if we should put it in the compost bin, I took the shovel and told him that we needed to pile it on the grave because it will settle, so I started to drag the rest of the dirt to make a pile over her little grave. Once this was completed the girls placed the flowers into the ground and we all stood there for a little longer.

I never cried until two days later when I went into Hy-Vee. I walked in and went past the Floral Department. I thought to myself, this is where the girl picked up the flowers for Libby. I just started to cry right there in the Floral Department. I managed to make it through my shopping but people looked at me as if I had some sort of plague. I will miss you dear sweet Libby. You will always be in our hearts.




Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Dance Dance Dance

I did it! We did it! Tonight was the first time we were able to go back to our dance lessons since May 2009. It felt great! I could tell Todd was frustrated at times because we were so rusty, but that was exactly what I expected. We had a good time again. I love looking into his eyes while we dance and we are in a grove. It feels like we are floating when we are in sync with one another. I love how he takes his upper teeth and plays with part of his goat tee when he is concentrating on what move he wants us to do next or just to make sure we have the correct beat. I rely on him because I am too busy thinking about the feet I lose track of the beat. I know he gets a little frustrated but he does not show it a lot. He did a great job of leading tonight. He did a much better job with giving signals as to what we doing and moves this time. When he keeps his form, I can read his body language better and I do not have to assume what we are going to do. He did a great job tonight with the form.

I have to admit, while we were driving there I was getting sick to my stomach out of fear. I was so excited but so terrified that my knee would not cooperate with me. I can not tell you how happy I am that I made it through. I felt only a twinge at one dance step and that was when we were doing a side step with the Waltz. I am thankful to God that if I had to have one of the knees acting up and bad right now, that it is the left knee. If it were the right knee I do not know if I could do this. When dancing, women start with the right foot and this is also the foot you turn on.

First dance...Fox Trot. It was great to have a review and be retaught the promenade. This was one we forgot and we were wanting to know how to do again. Next dance...one of Todd's favorite, the Rumba. I was pleasantly surprised how much we remembered. We actually were doing the box step before our instructor reviewed it. It took some work for us (well me) to get the walk through turn but we did it.

After the Rumba was the Waltz. This is one that we love to watch and want to learn but we are horrible at. I do not know what it is about the Waltz that is so difficult for us to get. We struggled with it during Class 1 and Class 2 back in early 2009. However there was about two minutes tonight that I think we actually got it. We were doing a lot of turns and I felt like we were on top of a music box because I felt like we were actually gliding during those short minutes, but then the music stopped and with the next music we lost it again. Some how we have to get over this mental block and be able to actually dance this beautiful dance.

The last dance we did was the 4 count swing. I love this one. It is a little bit of the hustle and we did excellent with this one. It is the one that we are most comfortable with and Todd does a little showing off with this one. I love how he makes me laugh and I am pretty sure he loves to make me laugh too.

When we walked away tonight, I was wet from sweat. There were times Todd and I had to let go of our hold because our hands were so wet from not just us working out with dancing but the humidity in the room. Although it was very hot and I was very sweaty, I loved this time with him. We tell one another a lot that we are going to practice, this time I hope we do follow through and do practice. I felt a huge relief that I am able to dance again. I know it is something he has been missing as well and he has never complained one bit that we have not been able to continue. I am very lucky to have such a wonderful supportive spouse.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Leaps and Bounds...leaps and bounds

I'm going to be 44 this December but I feel more like a senior Senior Citizen. My body is screaming at me that it's had enough! I am starting to put myself first but they have been baby steps, now with recent realization I need to do this in leaps and bounds.

This year my health I feel has just been awful. May began the issues with bleeding. I still have it from time to time but I know not to worry unless it is 15 days straight. In December/January I was having episodes where I felt dizzy, my heart was raising, and I would get the shakes. I felt funny. They were always related when my step daughter stressed me to the max. One episode I was at work and started to think about our newest clash. I chose to go to one of our First Responders to have my blood pressure checked. Typically I have low blood pressure 114 over something. That day it was 188 over something. I had to leave work and see a doctor that day. When they let me out of the office it was 176 over something. He told me that he felt it was stress related. I was also having pain in my left shoulder and arm. He told me if it happened again then make an appointment and we would do a stress test. I never had the pain again.

In May when I was seeing all these specialist and test, my blood pressure was 144 over something, we just thought it was be being very nervous. Occasionally my feet feel swollen and hurt,Sometimes my ankles too, my socks leave marks on me. On Thursday I was trained at work to be on the First Responders team and I am now certified for the next 2 years. While we were in training we also learned to use blood pressure cups. I was very relaxed that day. When mine was being taken, it read 142 over something. The guy asked me if I normally have high blood pressure. I told him it appears that I have the past few times.

Yesterday, my feet felt full again, so did my hands. My Mother's ring was hurting my finger and I could not even get it off without assistance of cold water. It was starting to cut off circulation. I started to Google blood pressure. I believe I may have stage 1 high blood pressure. I see a lot of the symptoms. I plan to make an appointment for a physical with my doctor on Monday, it's been over 3 years since I had one. Meanwhile, I plan to watch sodium and try the diet that they put people on high blood pressure. I read that they also start people on water pills to see if that will be enough, I plan to start that as well.

It's time that I look at the whole picture. I want to enjoy my life, not be in pain. The time is not to take baby steps to take care of Jolene but leaps and bounds. I know I need to make sure I have the opportunity to sleep at least 6 hours every night. I have been running on a lot less. Time to take care of me, so I can keep taking care of those I love. No one can do this but me. No more excuses. The time is Now.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

In Remembrance 9/11

Wow, has it really been 9 years? 9/11 a day that most Americans will never forget is probably ranked right up there with the day the first man walked on the moon or the assassination of John F. Kennedy. I can remember that day so vividly. Matthew was in 7th grade and at school already. Joshua was in 3rd grade and I was just dropping him off at the elementary school when I heard over the radio about the first plane flying into the World Trade Center. No one at that time even realized it was the beginning for a horrific morning. Shortly after I arrived home with Ethan and Noah, I turned on the television to one of the local stations. It was just in a matter of seconds that the second plane flew into the other tower. I could not believe my eyes. Did I see this correctly, another plane hitting another building? It did not register with me at first. My first impression: Was this second accident from gawking, like we see on the road where a horrible accident has taken place? I know a very stupid thought and it was a short lived thought because why would another plane fly so close just to gawk? My second thought: What is going on? This is where all of our innocence was taken away regarding terrorism in the United States. My best friend at the time called me and we talked on the phone over what was going on in New York City, then the Pentagon was hit after that all flights were grounded and those in the sky were ordered to make an emergency landing to the airport they were closest to. It was also announced that Flight 93 was missing in the air.

I had to go to drop Ethan off for preschool so I let Mary go. I was very much a Mom’s taxi service that year with children going to 3 different schools, with 3 different start times, and 3 different ending of the day time. I remember that drive to Ethan’s school. My heart was beating so fast when I heard a plane fly over the school’s parking lot as low as it was. Now, I knew the airport was very close but I had this sickening feeling from the prior events. I wanted to rush home and keep Ethan home with me and not leave my baby in school so close to an airport, but I had to put my faith in God and be a good Mother and not freak my child out whenever something bad happens in life. As soon as I arrived home my phone rang, it was Mary again. We were on the phone for hours that day and holding our child that was home with us. We cried some together out of sorrow for the lives lost, for the bravery for the Flight 93 that crashed in the fields in Pennsylvania. We cried for those who escaped and were covered with debris after the towers collapsed. We also cried out when we saw images of people jumping from windows choosing this type of death compared to burning. The Military would be patrolling our skies and any airplane in flight was subject to be shot down. We both could hear the Military planes fly more frequent that day from our home.

I remember wanting to go pick up my children and keep them home with me that day but it was important not to interrupt their routine I thought. Later that afternoon when I had all the boys home, the older two kept asking all kinds of question. Both boys had learned of the events at school some of the teachers had the televisions on during the school day. I could not answer many of their questions because we as a Nation were asking the same questions. That night I had to go to work although I really wanted to stay home as a family. It was a solemn night and we did not have much work since flights were grounded. The only checks that were coming in for us to process were those delivered strictly by ground. It also meant that whatever we did process was staying at our center since there were no flights to take it to the Federal Reserve or other centers. This was the way of our work life for two days.

Boy has our lives changed in so many ways since that day; terrorist alerts, tourist attractions, large assembly, troops deployed to flight over seas, and flying to mention a few. I believe in several ways our country thought that this type of terror could never happen to us. Today we hear how some buildings have been constructed on Ground Zero as they referred to it that day. There has been much controversy over building another high rise building as they have planned. Some feel if we did not then we would let terrorist get the best of us. I personally do not believe this is the image we would be sending. I personally think we should not have built any buildings on Ground Zero. Let it become a park with lush green grass and trees or plant life for every lost life there. A couple of monuments in remembrance of that day. A beautiful peaceful memorial site would only be fitting for such a tragic day. I believe this would state to the terrorism that we have so much love for our own and respect.

Still today, 9 years later, my heart goes out to the families and friends who lost someone that they knew and cared for that day. My thoughts and prayers go to them today to help embrace them as they watch or listen to some sort of media reflect about that day. I am sure next year will be a big one since it will be a decade since the horrible event. Posted below are some images that I found on the Internet regarding that horrifying day. None of the images I took myself.












Thursday, September 9, 2010

It's Official!!!

Up to 4 months ago, I have ran the phone reports for my supervisor. I have watched our number of calls go down. Last year the company chose to get out of the TPA (Third Party Administration) of medical claims. We have lost over 3000 calls a week from getting rid of the self funded. Last month the company announced they are selling the FSA part of their business. The end of this year we will lose another 3000 calls per week. We are definitely over staffed. We have 18 reps and 2 supervisors, this is way too many staff for the calls that we are having come in. Another product that we support was Dependent Audit. With Healthcare Reform, this will be gone within 2-3 years. Down sizing has been in my mind for over a year.

Last week they had everyone of us who are specialized create a check list of what we do, just in case someone who has never performed this job can pick up the check list and do what we do. Hmmm...I think they are preparing.

Today, one of the supervisor has one of my friends (co-worker who sits right next to me.) working on a project. She has her figuring out how many calls per month we take for each client and to find the percentage to put in place to try to project how many calls we will have next year. They are trying to figure out how many reps they actually need. She even mentioned that the supervisors are now concerned even about their own positions.

I'm sick to my stomach and my head hurts. I know this has been a concern but to hear it out loud makes it more real. I have been without a job for nearly 6 months and it was so hard to find another job. Now with the economy the way it is, it will mean that many more people applying for the same job. UGH! I know they will give us 2 weeks severance for every year, depending when the cut backs are, I will have either 10 or 12 weeks before going on un-employment if I am one. I have no idea what severance is, I have never been in this position before. If one is on severance and finds a job, will their severance end? Todd wants me not to worry. He reminded me that un-employment is nearly 2 years now because of all the changes. I just remember how stressful it was being without a job before. O.K. things are different in this situation, I would be getting something coming in, unlike when I was fired. I also have a spouse that will help with expenses.

Uggghhhh!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Random Memory...Life Lesson

I just finished my shower and reached for my toothbrush to brush me teeth. Next to my toothbrush is a tube of conditioner from the hair dye kit. I just started laughing. It brought a flashback moment in my life that I knew I had to post for the boys.

It was 1990 and Matthew was less then 3 months old. He was a very good baby except for sleeping. This baby wanted to be awake more then sleep. I could not get anything done let alone sleep myself. I was exhausted being a first time Mother and all. One morning I went to brush me teeth, again I want to stress how I was so EXHAUSTED, I reached for the tube of toothpaste, squeezed it on to my toothbrush and started brushing, I made one swipe across the front of my teeth and opened my mouth to get the top molars, then it hit me. It was such an awful, oily tastes. WHAT??????? What did I do? This was not toothpaste I was brushing my teeth with. I quickly opened the drawer and yep right next to the toothpaste was a tube of Desitin, the same exact size of the toothpaste. Oh the sheer groosness, I quickly put my toothbrush under very HOT water but the oil would not come off. I took some paper towels and wiped my teeth off as much as I could. The next thing I did was gross however I had no alternative action. I picked up Mike's toothbrush and brushed me teeth. I brushed them at least 4 times to get all the oil off my teeth and the taste out of my mouth. I then threw his toothbrush away as well.

Lesson Learned...never keep anything in a tube the size of toothpaste near one another, you never know.

Random Thoughts About My Boys...first day of school.

It is so hard to believe that they are the ages they are anymore.


First Days of School...

Matthew is 20...it seems like yesterday when I took him to Kindergarten for the first time. He was a little nervous but anxious at the same time. He asked for me not to kiss him in front of anyone. He did not want anyone to think he was a baby. NOW, he is in his 3rd year of college. We moved him into the dorm for the first time. His first two years he moved into an apartment near the community college. This year he has transferred to the University of Iowa. He loves dorm life. I think EVERY person should experience this type of life at least 1 year while they are in college. You get the true feeling of college life while living in the dorm. Matthew has never been into school spirit, but something is changing in my oldest child, he is active with campus and has such spirit. He just participated with the Fry Fest, largest Hockey Pockey, breaking the world record. They had over 7 thousand people participating, the old record was 4 thousand and 4 hundred something.

Joshua is 17...his Senior year. Wow, I can't believe I am going to have another child graduating from High School so soon. His first day of school in Kindergarten was nothing but excitement, he was my first to go all day too. No fear at all, he wanted to be like his big brother and go to school and then rush home to play with Ethan as soon as he was home. Biggest difference with this child, is he gave me a kiss. He kissed me every time I dropped him off up to this year. He always leaned over and said "Bye Mom, I love you" and then a kiss. This year he hasn't but then again, this year he is starting earlier. I don't think he is quiet awake when I drop him off.

Ethan is 13...how in the heck!!! When did this child grow up so fast? This is the one that is blowing me away. He's not my baby nor my oldest but it seems like Ethan's years have just flown by. This past Summer he has grown so much. He is a lot taller then I am now. He is only an inch shorter then Joshua, who is barely taller then Matthew. He is in 8th grade this year, his last year before High School. His first day in Kindergarten, he wanted me to stay. He had been in an all day kindergarten. He was also excited to go to school with Joshua, but he wanted me to stay because his cousin Carlos was not in his class this time. My sister Amy and I did this on purpose. However the second day of school he was off with his bright sweet smile.

Noah is 10. Yes, my baby is in 5th grade. He acts so much younger that this one I am not sad at his age yet. I love how he is playing outdoors still with his friends. Next year may be a little harder for me with him, it will be his last year in elementary. His first day of school, he was nearly shoving me out the door. LOL He wanted to be in school for at least 2 years prior, so when it was his time he was not going to have Mom there with him. None of his brothers had Mom in their class from his knowledge. It is funny. I was not sad at all with him going to school. How could I? I have read that the last one is usually your hardest but when I looked at him while we stood in line for his teacher, he was so bubbly. He was glowing from the anticipation of walking through the doors as a Kindergartner. He could barely sleep the night before from sheer excitement. After watching this and hearing his little giggles from excitement on the way, how can anyone be sad? I was so thrilled for him. He was getting to go to school, exactly what he had been wanting AND he was so happy. Funny thing is, he is also my only one who wanted to quit school. After a week of Kindergarten, he told the teacher this is boring, I want to quit. The next day, (I leave for work before the elementary kids go off to school. Todd is in his room winding down if the boys need him, since he just arrived home from work. He works the third shift.) Ethan left with out him. Noah refused to go and for some odd reason Ethan did not go to Todd. I get a call from the school asking me where Noah is and telling me what he told the teacher the day prior. I called home and asked Todd if Noah was home, he answered that he heard the door shut and assumed they both left. He went to his room and told me he was not there. He told me that he would drive the route they walk and would call me back. I received a call a little later. He found Noah, he was hiding under the bed because he did not want to go to school any more. He told Todd he thought it was boring. From that day forward, Todd would make sure both boys made it out the door.

I used to be good with taking pictures of the first day of school, but that changed in 2005. The year of my divorce. I wish I kept it up. I miss their younger faces.

Hopes for a New Job.

Well I did it. I applied again for another HR Assistant job for the city. I know I am made for this position. Everything this job's duties I do now with exception of the EOE report. I'm bright enough to know I can do this as well. I'm a very quick learner too. I have to try to make myself not overly excited for this job. Last time they had over 200 applications for the one position and I did not even get an interview. With the economy the way it is now, I'm sure there will be even more applications. I would be happy if I were to be called for an interview, but I'm not going to lie either... I REALLY WANT THIS JOB!

Todd did inform me that there will be a position at the JECC opening up within the next couple of months. I know I would get an interview there because he does have connections. This is comforting me somewhat.

I just have to get away from where I am. I'm so tired of the double standard...yes I know that is in the business world, but they are way too hard on me and screw me over constantly. I made the mistake by making myself too valuable. They rely on me too much and I just do whatever it is they say or need. You would think that most companies would reward those individuals, but my supervisors stopped doing that when they realized I wanted to grow and move up in the company. They way they are doing this to me, I don not feel that I am going to be safe at all when it comes to cut backs that I do not see how they can avoid in the first quarter next year. We are just over staffed...way over staffed and with the company getting rid of another product we support there go more calls coming in. It's time. I need prayers and God to come through just like He did with this current job.