Saturday, October 23, 2010

All Things Must Pass

Since my Mother's accident May 2009, I have missed family. I even blogged about this in the past. I miss the old days when we all would get together for weekends as well as holidays. Things always change that is a given but it is sad at times how and why.

My Father's side: When my parents divorced my Father's side of the family started to leave us out. I know if my Grandfather was alive this would have never happened. At times I could not understand why none of my aunts would stand up for us, well one did but why they never reached out to us. This family has some very dark skeletons in the closet and tends to turn their heads to a lot of issues. I think this explains why no one stood up for us and my sister when she lived there for a few months. One of my aunts reached out to me earlier this year. She created a family tree on a website and I was beginning to get reacquainted with my some of my aunts and cousins. They then found me on facebook. I loved this because I was longing for it. I thought that this was wonderful everyone was growing up and things have changed. I was wrong. They would post pictures of weddings that none of my sisters or I was even invited to just a few months ago. There was this large family picture, my Grandmother, all of my cousins minus my older two cousins, their dad (my uncle), my father, and my sisters and I. This picture they had a caption about what a great looking picture of their entire family. They would post status about how great it is to be with one another and how everyone will be doing this or that. It was as if someone was pouring vinegar over open wounds. They had not changed one bit, difference was, now they were just rubbing it in my face.

My Mother's side: This side fell apart after my Grandfather died. My Mom was made executor and her siblings even more greedy then ever. Prior to my Grandfather dieing they always went to my Mom for help. Their real Mother died when they were young and always looked up to my Mother to help them except for money then it was my Grandparents. Just moments after my Grandfather died they stood over his body telling my Mom they want this or that. My Grandfather gave her strict instructions as to what he wanted done with everything. The house was left to my Mom to have because she took care of him while he was sick up to the last month and then finally needed help from her siblings because she had no more time to take from work. All of his possessions were to be sold at bluebook or appraised amount and then split into 1/8 and split between his children. His John Deer Stock was to be split into 1/8. He made my Mom sole beneficiary of his life insurance but told her to split it 1/8 between all of them as well. His step children were to collect money from one of them that owed him money. She was suppose to pay 1/5 of what she owed to her brothers and sisters. He did not leave them anything except for that. His lawyer told my Mom that she did not have to split the life insurance legally and if she wanted to keep it then she was entitled because the will did not speak of it, however my Mom knew what her Dad had said and split the amount between all of them. Her brothers and sisters wanted his possessions but did not want to pay as it was stated. They were mad at my Mom because she did stick to his will for that. They felt that they should have 1/8 of the house too, however because of their actions my Mom had decided to keep it all for herself. They were constantly calling her wanting all the money now. They did not want to wait until my Mom had all the bills paid for regarding his medical treatment. They did not want to wait for my Mom to file his taxes. They grew impatient and half of them went to a lawyer to see if they could do something and get more. The lawyer told them they did not have anything to stand on, that she has given them more then they were entitled to. This angered them so much. This was the last straw for my Mom, they were calling her and telling her that she was cheating them. It was this action that my Mom chose to keep the house her Father told her to have for herself. One of her brothers passed away maybe a year ago. My Mom was not allowed to even go to her own brother's funeral because of all this greed and hard feelings. My cousins felt their father was out of line, they did include my Mom in the obituary as well as made a private viewing time for my Mom to be able to say good bye to him.

This week: I do not know what snapped in my but I had enough. Family does not act like this at all! After seeing a status on facebook from one of my cousins on my Father's side I posted a comment about how can people divorce children from the family. I'm tired of them leaving us (my sisters) out. I made some family members not happy and I did not care. I'm not that 17 year old any longer. Two of my aunts and cousins de-friended me. This same status made another cousin from my Mother's side comment. She thought I was talking about my Mom's side. She asked me if I knew what was going on with my Uncle Billy. Only because of my status, I found out that my uncle's kidneys and liver had shut down and was not expected to make it through the night. I called my Mom and let her know. She and my Father went to visit him and my aunt was very pleasant to my Mom. She told her what the plans were and told her that she would not be left out of this brother's death.

Two days later Mom saw the obituary at the funeral. She was so distraught, once again she was being shut out. She was not even listed as a sibling nor was my Grandfather listed as a Step-Father. I was so angry over this that I posted a new status about hating fake people. An aunt from my father's side then snapped at me saying she knew it was about her status. I told her that it had nothing to do with her or my father's side but my Mom's and told her why. She then apologized to me and then we argued via email. Next thing I found out was that she blocked me from her status and wall information of facebook. What is with them, seriously do they think this is going to hurt me? How immature are they? Okay, maybe I did lose my temper by stating my comments but I do not see it any different then what they are doing by posting their comments. Alright I know I am suppose to be a good person, but we all have our moments.

Today was my uncles memorial. I have been upset for the last time due extended family. I do not long to be near them any more. I will keep my memories, some will still be fond but I do have a great understanding...All things must pass. No matter how much is said and done, nothing will ever be the same again. I'm actually at peace with this and I am perfectly fine. I am in a place in my life that I am very happy. I have my four boys. I have my husband. I have my Mom. I have my step daughters and sisters when they wish. I have my husband's family. I also have several friends that will always be there for me. I do not think I am missing anything.

I do have one cousin that touches my heart. She still continues to wish to stay connected. This touches my heart because I know it will put her in the middle at times and this is not what I wish to do to her. I do love all of them, I just have to look at what is best for me and their treatments is not good. I also have one male cousin, he has always had a special spot in my heart. I don't know what it was, maybe how he was picked on by his sister and mine. He has this huge heart and was truly upset when my Mom was not included with her brother's funeral the first time. It take a true man to cry over something like that.

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