Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Debbie Downer Today.

I could not write a Monday Moans blog yesterday. I thought about it but where I am feeling emotionally right now I did not think it would be a good thing. I am having some deep dark days right now. I know I will eventually pull out of it and I have things in very much perspective of the causes, sometimes they are overwhelming though.

A lot of conflicts with my youngest step daughter, it does not matter what is said or asked. She is beyond hope of any relationship until she matures and realizes her actions and realizes she is accountable for them. I will leave this as simple as I can because I do not want to carry on and raise my blood pressure.

I have now been hit blind sided regarding issues at home. I know raising children will not be easy and teen years are rather hard. My heart was broken completely in half when my oldest basically disowned his family. Living two years with him ignoring my calls was slowly sucking the breath out of me. I was enjoying other parts of my life but it is hard when my boys are my everything. I am so glad that he came back to us.

Now I know children will grow and go out onto their own. In some ways with all the drama at home and stress I look forward to that time where it is more mellow, yet I do not want to rush moments with my younger two either.

Back to my blind sided issue: My second child, he has been giving problems off and on. What I thought were typical teenage problems seemed to grow more into I do not know how to categorize it problems. It saddens me how he thinks he is above rules and laws. He shows me that if he feels that the rule/law is stupid it does not apply to him. Our city has a curfew for minor children due to problems we were having. He feels that I should allow him to stay out past the city curfew. My curfew is earlier then the cities and I have often let him stay out past my curfew. Most often he is late and does not come home on time. He feels I should completely ignore this because of all of his other actions that he does around the house. I do not believe he understand that this has been an on going occurrence for 4 years now. If it were just a one time thing I agree I can over look it. He has also been caught sneaking out of the house more then I can count on one hand. Each time he has been confronted and disciplined he feels that I should just forgive him because he has gone several months from doing it the prior time that is proof he has changed. Seriously? Proving you have changed is not doing it at all. Last night I found out my son, another one that I adore (O.k. I adore all of them.) is experimenting with drugs. Of all things! Why? He is an intelligent boy. He has seen what drugs do to your life by living examples of my family members. He had a friend that became involved and he wanted nothing to do with him after that. How can you judge someone and do it yourself?

I’m at a total lost now. It had been so hard trying to make myself get into the mood for Christmas. Poor Noah, I have completely forgotten about him having a birthday party because of all the stress at home. I have my Ethan not fond of any of his brothers; some of his complaints are justified. My little world of my boys is beginning to fall apart. I have to find some duct tape soon to mend everything.

I will look hard to find some Woo Hoos tomorrow. I think I may need them.




2 comments:

  1. Sorry kiddo...hang on, I pinky swear it eventually gets better.

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  2. First thought was, "Oh shit!" I'm so sorry that you've added yet another worry to your plate. Unfortunately, I suspect, we're too old in the eyes of the young to have a clue or even perspective. No matter how much wisdom and experience you have in this department, I suspect your son will eschew it. For whatever reason, unknown to you, he feels that this is the path he has to undertake. I can only hope he will open himself to reason -- especially given that addiction is a painful path and one that runs in your family. I send you strength to stand aside.

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