Friday, September 30, 2011

Friday Confessional




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This week's Confessions...Come on and join in with Mamarrazi. 

I confess...

It has been an emotional week.  Monday I found out my father has Liver Cancer and possibly Lung, test were to come back on Thursday or Friday.

I confess...

At first I was mad at Life.  How can you do this when I finally have a positive relationship with him again?  I know it took awhile for me to put my guard down.  I built a wall around me to protect me from him hurting me again.

I confess...

He definitely does NOT earn Father of the Year award any at all. He was abusive to me and my mom and sister, never the younger two sisters.  He told me several times while I was a teen he wished I was 6 ft under.  He missed my high school graduation because he was drunk.  He missed my college graduation and first wedding and the birth of my first two children because he was serving time.   After my second child was 4 months he came back and was sober for 5 years and a good grandfather to my boys, but he went back to loving alcohol more.  He missed my second wedding and my oldest son's graduation again serving time.

I confess...

Two years ago when he laid in the ICU I felt bad for him but I mourned him long ago.  He was out of my life and I had little to do with him, not wanting my boys around a drunk and I did not want them to know him as a drunk.

I confess...

THIS time he must have really seen the light.  He has never apologized for what he has done to my Mom or my sisters and I, but he did everything the doctors told him and wanted to know his grandchildren. He is a good grandfather now.  He is a good father now.

I confess...

When he came to Iowa City in May for Joshua's graduation, all my walls were down.  I saw the love he had in his eyes.  The love I always longed for and wanted from a father.

I confess...

It is because of all this I was so mad at LIFE.  Never questioned God but thought Life is so unfair.  By Wednesday my out look was better.  I was not mad at life any longer.  It is what it is.  I am appreciative that Life gave me a chance to have the father I always wanted.

I confess...

I am glad I have a positive relationship with him now, NOT because he was sick because it isn't.  It is because HE WANTED it.  If this is the end for him, at least I will not have any regrets.

I confess...

I broke work's rule today at 10:45 when my Mom called my cell phone.  I did not care.  I answered it.  I AM SO GLAD I DID.   The cancer did NOT go to his lungs.  Next step is checking his heart to see if it can take surgery.  If so, then a liver transplant.

I confess...

I never knew you can donate part of your liver.  It will grow.  I checked into it.  Unfortunately I have too much BMI.  This is more of an incentive to lose weight.  What if the boys need any part of my organs, I would hate not to be able to donate to them a living organ if they need it.  I would do anything for them, as well as Todd.

What do you have to confess this week?

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2 comments:

  1. wow...this is heavy, i am glad that there was some positive that came from all the yuck. thanks for sharing this. prayers going up for you and your family!

    thanks for linking up!! sorry i am sooo slow getting here, life keeps getting in the way!

    OH, i also wanted to let you know that the My Happy List link party is moving to Tuesdays starting October 11, i would LOVE for you to play!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Glad to hear that it hasn't spread! Sending you all my strength to get through this difficult time!

    ReplyDelete

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