Monday, November 19, 2012

My 2nd Letter to Matthew

Dear Matthew

I must say I was actually starting to worry some if you were an alcoholic but you have proved to me I do not have to be so concerned about this any longer.  You have your eye on the prize once again and both feet on the path you had chosen a few years ago.  You have shown you are a hard worker once again and have made the right choices so you can accomplish your goal.

I am very proud of you and when you told me you were being offered to go to corporate so you can be an assistant general manager, I knew then, you would be able to continue with your education as you had wanted.  I realize you will have to dedicate one year to the company but you are making the right choices by making this commitment.  I hope the last year and a half of college is easier on you financially where you do not have to worry as much on how to pay for the semester or possibly even work less while you are in school.

I understand, your brother irritates you rather easily any more.  You too acted that way at his age, hopefully he will out grow this stage as well.  Some things in life are not worth a battle.  Family does mean everything and sometimes you just have to pick the battle.  Let it be my son, some battles are not worth it.  I know he frustrates you using Grandpa's illness as an excuse, but this is definitely not a one worth the battle.  He did not gain anything by doing so. 

I know it is hard for you to understand, but he can be a very sensitive person and we all deal with death or someone dying differently.  I understand you boys were not close to your grandfather for years, but that is not your fault.  It was a choice I made.  I always wanted the best for you and while your grandfather chose to drink, I did not want my boys around him.  I know it hurt you that your grandfather never went to your graduation but he did Joshua's.  I do believe if your grandpa was around he would have went to your graduation as well.  He was in jail during the time of your graduation, the same reason he did not show up for my wedding.  It was not because I never invited him or he did not want to come.  He was in jail for drinking and driving.  I also told you he missed both of my graduations, high school and graduation. Your grandfather has realized how much he gave up for alcohol and has told his daughters how sorry he really was.  I know he wishes he had an opportunity to be close to you boys.  I wish I could heal this hurt for you.  I have experienced this hurt from him as well for many years.  You need to find your peace quickly since his time is limited with us.  I do not want you to have any regret when his time comes.  I have forgiven him for everything he has done.  The key word is forgiven, some things I will not be able to ever forget.

Please remember, things will always get better, and somethings, you just need to let it be.

I love you with all of my heart,
Your Mom 

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