Monday, January 5, 2015

2015 The Year to Love Me

2014  Goodbye  ... 2015 HELLO!!!

I am so welcoming the New Year and plan to make this year a healthier me.  I feel so many things happened last year which was totally sad in my life.  It was not a happy year.  This year I want to love me and do things for me too.  This will then make me a better whatever it is: a friend, spouse, lover, mother, daughter, worker, and so forth you get the picture.

To start with I have to let go what I cannot control.  The first thing I am going to let go is not being there the last day my Dad was alive.  He knew I loved him.  Why have I been beating myself up?  I received a special gift the night he died.  It was probably more personal than if I was there and saw him in person.  God allowed him to come to me while I was sleeping that night.  I heard him say how he loves me and how he is proud of me.  How I am a good Mom and his last words to me "Always remember I love you."  I was able to be with him when he took his last breath and pass peacefully while he slept in my dream.  He spoke to me the next day when I said " I was supposed to be there."  I heard his voice say in my head "You were." clear as day it was him talking to me.  The guilt I have carried I need to let go because he loved me and he knew I loved him.  You have no idea how liberating it is for me to just type this out.  HE LOVED ME.  For years I struggled with thinking he did not love me, he chose a life without us, but he changed his ways and everything was good the last four years.  His last words to me even if it was in a dream ALWAYS REMEMBER I LOVE YOU.  I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU TOO DAD!

Another thing I am letting go is Noah's behavior.  I cannot think of it as I have failed some how because I have not.  I have been a good mother to each one of my children and to my step-children.  I have to face the facts, Noah is making his own choices and it does not reflect one bit on how good of a mother I am.  This one was a tough one to let go but I have.  Regardless of what the test say on Thursday, I am letting his behavior go.  He will no longer stress me out, I will not allow it.  I will be there to mother him and love him but I will not allow him to stress me out and make me unhealthy any longer.  My other children deserve better as well as my husband.   I deserve better.
 I chose the third option, GIVE IT ALL YOU'VE GOT!  I mean I have done this for everything in my life but for me, now it is time for me to give everything I got to me too.  I am back on my healthy journey, one I started in September 2013.  I was doing great.  My Mom and Dad both told me how great I was looking with the weight loss.  I was beginning to have more energy.  This year I will pick myself up and start on this road again and give it all I can.  What does this mean?  Well I will log everything I eat, I plan not to drink soda any longer (bye-bye Pepsi, my comfort) and drink more water.  I will make sure I am taking my vitamin C.  I have read this will not only promote me being healthier but my skin too.  I took before pictures so I can see the difference while I am on this healthy journey.  While I have Whooping Cough, I will not be able to do much as cardio exercise because I get too winded from coughing, but I plan on lifting weights and working my muscles until I am better, then cardio will be added.  

2015 will be about loving me so taking care of me is not just weight and endurance but loving myself to allow me to buy stylish clothing at no matter what size I am.  To take the time to do my hair and make up.  I have spoken to Beth from Printcess & Living a Goddess Life about what type of eye shadow color would be best for me and how to make my eyes pop behind my glasses.  I plan to buy some eye shadow from her.  I am torn about coloring my gray hairs.  I have learned to accept them and love them.  I sort of love how they highlight my face but I may not once it becomes more than highlights.  I will reconsider at that time.  I also thought I might want to color for Ethan's graduation this May.

I know by me taking time for me and loving myself I will be happier.  Just think, I am an awesome Mom, friend, wife, lover, daughter, sister, aunt, and person now, just think how much more I will be when I am happy by loving me as much as I love others.  2015 will be Jolene's year to love herself. 

It is so funny because I made my mind up to start loving me and making 2015 about Jolene and then I was to begining to get caught up on some blogs and found out Angie and Kenzie are doing a 12x30 challenge and this month's challenge is exactly that...Love Yourself Challenge, so I am linking up to their monthly party.  You can find out more by clicking on the link below (picture).
12X30 Challenge January: The Love Yourself Challenge
 
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3 comments:

  1. I can only imagine how liberating it felt to truly realize how much your father loved you and that you were there in mind and spirit with him that day. Also, I can really relate to Noah's behavior and the tendency to allow it to stress you out. My son is four and has been throwing quite a few temper tantrums and has had a really bad attitude and I blame myself. I feel that I failed somewhere and I have let myself feel awful and stress about that. However, I need to realize that he is at an age where he is learning to really express his feelings as well as test his boundaries and that all I can do is continue to be the best mom I can be. I am so glad that you are linking up with Angie and I!

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  2. Hi friend, you are so right to choose to look after yourself more. As mothers, we are always putting our needs last, and that needs to change to feel better and healthier. It is distressing that you are having to deal with the awful sad way your boy is feeling and behaving..my daughter in Canada has had to make that same choice.. These kids have their own roads to hew out, and its so hard watching them making mistakes, but its their road and they have to learn. I will hope that things will even out as the year goes on, meanwhile, have a happy New Year for you all...from across the pond Janzixx

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  3. You can do this babe! You've got it! (I heart you and sorry it took me so long to visit!)

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