Saturday, January 8, 2011

Whirlwind of Emotions

I am feeling such a whirlwind of emotions at this moment...Excitement, Worrying, Fear, Terrified, and Thrilled. This week has brought out a lot of feelings for me.

I will start with word KITCHEN! Finally after 6 years nearly beginning to start my 7th year I am getting to a point were I am making changes inside other then a few of my knick knacks out. I love this house but I did not have a say so in any of the furniture or coloring. Todd and his ex did. The walls are all white except for the kitchen, the master bathroom, and the main bathroom. Oh and three of the four bedrooms have color on the walls too. I have been wanting to paint the inside walls for so long and I even picked up paint this time of year last year to start the living room. *sigh* It is still sitting in the cans next to the entertainment center in the living room. My first goal was to paint (with or without Todd's help) there but Matthew is staying in the living room at this time so it can wait a little. Todd and I have talked, Todd has been wanting to remodel the kitchen, but that is such an expensive thing to do. I love our cupboards. A little touch up and new knobs they are good. I love how the bottom cupboards have shelves that pull out. I am finally putting that into use now with my re-organization of the cupboards. (That is another thing I am so excited about. Todd feels exactly as I do, overwhelmed with all the clutter from all the kids that moved out and then moved back in. Storing 4 apartments worth of stuff, minus furniture, as well as our own houses. He is on board with me for re-organization. I think I have impressed him with the kitchen so far. He has started to put his two cents worth in as well now.) Our ceiling fan does not provide enough light in our kitchen. We had a florescent light but it quit. When we picked up our new stove last Sunday we talked about a new light to replace the florescent. Todd accidentally actually got the stupid thing florescent light to work, so he did not pick up the new light we had picked up. However, the next day the florescent light started to constantly flicker almost as bad as a slow strobe light. Today we came home from the store with the new light. I am so excited. We even picked out the color for the walls (clay ridge). Currently our walls are yellow sponge paint with a blue and yellow plaid wallpaper. He even talked about flooring for the kitchen. Oh I will be in heaven when we do that. I absolutely HATE our linoleum. It is a white with these little debits in it. It is the hardest flooring I have ever owned trying to keep clean and to actually clean. I will be so happy when this is gone.

Today he will install the new kitchen light. We He will have to spackle some of the ceiling where the holes will be from the previous light. Our lights for the time being will not match one another. Sometime in the next couple of months we will be taking the fan out and putting it in either our room or the boys' room because they need to be replaced and picking out a new one that will go with our new light better. Our new counter tops will definitely have to wait because that will be the expensive part. We do need the new water heater first.

Worrying...I do not even know where to start here. I worry for Kera. Her relationship with David is not a very strong one and to be bringing a baby in as well. She tries so hard to make this work. I worry she will be raising the baby on her own. Well you know what I mean, she does live with us so technically she will not be alone. Ethan...once again he is failing a class. I never had this problem last year. All he does is play video games. He fails the class because he doe not do the work. I just do not know how to motivate him.

Fear...I just made my payment for Joshua's trip to Spain in March. This will be his graduation gift from me. I fear for this kid. I know that there is so much more he can get into while he is there and with the recent finding that he has been using drugs, I am fearful of what he will do there. I also fear that I may have wasted my money as I did with his driver's educations class. The kid has not even applied for his passport yet. We are talking 2 months now. I keep reminding him and he always acts like he knows but never does anything about it.

Terrified...I am terrified Matthew will not be going back to school in 2 weeks. He did not get a loan to finish his payments for school. Unfortunately my credit was not good enough to help him either. He is suppose to call his uncle because his uncle mentioned that he can see what he can do, he has known this now for a week and a half but has not called him. He only has this week left and then next weekend he can move back into the dorms. I am just terrified for the kid. He is fighting some depression and it definitely has impacted him lately.

Thrilled...I am so thrilled after my interview on Wednesday. I actually have a good feeling within the company I work for once again. I believe I just may have a chance for a new positions within the next few months. Words can not express how thrilled I actually am about this.

What types of emotions did you have this week?

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