Saturday, June 15, 2013

Honoring A Father Of Convenience

Today's post is not going to be very pleasant but I feel I need to put it out there.  Most of the time I want my blog to be full of my many blessings but some days you get sour grapes and it just makes the many blessing more appreciative.  I started this blog in the beginning for my boys as well, for them to have something to reflect upon.  Today's post will be one of those.

It is very tough at times being their mother.  I love them with all of my heart and would be their mother all over again but I wish they would step back and look at how they treat me.  I know a lot of it has to deal with the age.  It makes it very difficult when their father is what we call a father of convenience.  He will promise or tell them he will do something, such as take them on vacation and then when it comes time it is always the same thing "Something came up."  He told one son he would help with his trip to Spain.  He was suppose to help with 1/3 just like he did with our other son three years prior but "Something came up." and he fell through, naturally my son thought I should cover his 1/3.  I held my ground on this one, I just could not do so.  He told another son that he would pay for driver's education but when it came time, "Something came up."  Naturally now I am scrambling trying to come up with the money when I am making less.

He has it easy, he gets to do "fun" things with them.  He does not have to discipline them one bit, instead when they are being disciplined he will say something like she is so mean, if you lived with me I would let you do this or that.  Right, that is so far from the truth.  How he handled our oldest at the beginning of the alien age, he would throw him up against the wall and tell him he was going to pull him out of school and have me home school him.  He would hit him.  The boys think he has changed.  I doubt it very much.  He is not around it, how would they know?  They are not worth the expense of trying it either.  He does not handle it when they do confront him over the phone, his wife will get on the phone and then all hell breaks open.  She tells them how hurt their father is by the way they treat him.  SERIOUSLY???????   He sees them less than six times a year when he lives less than two hours away.  He does not take them the holidays he is suppose to  most of the time "Something comes up."

Me, on the other hand, I do not get that break.  I do not get an opportunity to say oh, he is so mean, if you lived with me, (I would make sure to come up with some excuse why you will not move with me) I would let you do this or that.  Seriously, I do not want pity because I do not have that opportunity because truthfully that is what is called PARENTING!!!!   What would be nice is that he would respect me and not bad mouth me and support what I am doing with the boys.  I am raising them.  It is me and it has always been me.  We have been apart for 10 years now, even when we were together it was me, he was just a great playmate for them.

Now, tomorrow is Father's Day.  It makes me sick to see how the boys try to make this day special for him. Their Step-Father does so much more for them but they do not even recognize this.  This man who is their father does not give them gifts for any holiday because "Something comes up."  They guy makes more money than I do.  He makes a lot more than he did when we went through our divorce and I accepted less than what the state said because I wanted him to be able to make it to, plus he said he would help with the extras like sports and scouts, but it started way back then, "Something came up."   He would tell them, he does not have extra money because I took all of it with child support.  Finally when Joshua was 19, he told me this once again, feeling sorry for his father, I then pointed out how much he truly gave me.  I then pointed out how much he is making compared to me.  I asked him, how was it that I was taking all of his money?  He realized what I was saying and asked his father.  His father admitted he puts all of his extra money into 401K.  Nice, so the father of convenience will be able to retire someday where the mother who actually sacrifices for them will have to work until the day she dies because she does not have extra money for a 401K.  The boys want me to give them some money and take them to the store to buy him something but I am refusing to do this. I know it may not be acceptable to some but I refuse to.  Let his current wife buy him something for them to him.

It makes me sick that they go through all of this for him but when it came to Mother's Day, the two younger ones, who are making this big deal, mentioned what a dumb holiday it was and they would rather be with their friends, but their friends were spending the day with their Mother.  Now one of the two younger boys did spend the entire day with his girlfriend and her Mother on Mother's day.  They just do not get it.  They do not get what their actions are telling me.  I get it, they do not get to see their father that often, but to honor a man who always comes up with "Something" and treat a mother who always gives up "Something"  I just can not understand.

Okay... I am done with this subject.  Maybe boys you will get it some day.  Who knows, maybe it will take "Something coming up" before you do get it.


He Loves Me