Tuesday, September 10, 2013

25 Years Ago

Twenty-Five years ago today I married the boys' father.  We made it for 15 years until I left him and then married for one more year because it took an entire year for our divorce, he fought the entire way tooth and nail.  Our marriage did have some good moments, however I should have seen the signs about four months before we married the type of man he was.  It was six months after our marriage when he was abusive for the first time. I should have been smart then but I just did not want to give up so soon.  At one time I did love the man.
One of my sisters and I on my wedding day, 25 years ago.
However it was not the "true love" that I have with Todd.  He never respected me and there were many other things in our marriage.  Now I was not perfect.  I was not the perfect wife.  I will admit once Matthew was born nearly two years later, my husband took the back seat.  Matthew was my everything.  Then Joshua came into our family and both boys were my everything.  My life centered around all four of my boys and leaving not much time for my husband.  It was during my third pregnancy I knew our marriage was over yet I never did anything about it all for the boys I thought.  However, a year after our fourth son, I knew I could not keep doing this.

It was hard on the boys after I met Todd.  They were not used to be second at times.  I learned during recovery from my breakdown about 3 months after my divorce that I had to put me first too sometimes.  It was a rough balancing act with the boys.  They were not used to me putting my happiness first at times but I explained I have to do this to be a good mother.  I need to come first sometimes as well as Todd needs to be first.  It does not mean I love them any less, I just have to be healthier to me and to my relationship to be the best to everyone including a mother to them. 

Today I reflect back to twenty-five years ago.  I cannot say I wish it never happened because our children mean the world to me. 
 2 years after we were married with Matthew.

 My first and second blessing from that marriage.

 And then there were three.

 Blessings completed on this day.

I learned what I did not want in a man or a relationship.  I learned what I did right and what I did wrong.  The most important part of any relationship good or bad is to learn from it.  I honestly feel I have learned from this, even if the man is a major thorn in my side now.  I have four wonderful boys and have applied what I learned from it to my current marriage.


1 comment:

  1. It's good to take a trip down memory lane from time to time.


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