Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Happy List ~ Wednesday Woo Hoo

I finally had a Saturday which was not tied up with my Dad dieing, his death, or baby sitting the entire day so....

I was able to take my son car shopping.  Ethan has been working since the second to the last week of July last year and has saved every penny he has earned.  Well nearly every penny in 10 months he has only spent $500 of his earnings until Saturday.   He is now an owner of this 2002 Pontiac Grand Am GT.  I am so HAPPY for him and very proud of him.  This car should definitely get him through high school and college which was his goal.  He also learned Mom knows a little bit about cars and was impressed how I could answer the car dealer's questions and told him to stand firm on his offer, he only went up $150 on the final price and I paid that for the kid.  His check engine light came on within 48 hours and we took it back.  The dealership was great, the took care of it and told us if the light does not (fuel injector had gunk stuck in it) turn off within 2 weeks bring it back.  The light went off on the drive home.   I am very HAPPY with this dealership so far.  They may have my youngest son's purchase in 3 years when the time comes.  Now here is the part I am going to ask your help.  If you have a Facebook account, please click on the picture and "like" if Ethan gets 150 likes in 30 days, they will send him $100 check.  He is up to 74 likes within the first 20 hours.  Thanks so much for helping.  


What are you happy about this week?  Any Woo Hoos?


Sunday, May 25, 2014

Sunday's Song

One of my hidden loves is Rascal Flatts.  I do not know why I have hidden how much I love this band but I have.  I just about love each and everyone of their songs.  I also find the lead singer attractive.  I do not know what it is about him but I just enjoy watching him.  I also love his  voice.  It is so hard to pick just one to feature.  I really enjoy Life Is A Highway.  I have always loved it but my little Taj has made it one of my favorites but I will wait another day to post it, when I am able to sneak and record Taj singing along with it.

As any of my friends and followers know 2014 has been very rough on me and my family so far. I have a lot of support but my very best friend is the biggest supporter I will ever have in my corner.  I cannot believe how lucky I truly am to have this man in my life.  He truly cares about me and my boys.  He was even emotional when it came to Noah's incident.  I think I am one of the luckiest women alive because I have married my very best friend.  My song this week is dedicated to you Todd.  I love you.  Enjoy!

"Nothing Like This"

There's nothing in my life,
I'd say I regret,
But there's something in your eyes that makes me forget,
The times that I believed that love was good as love could be,
I had it all, but I was wrong.

Thought I'd been touched,
Thought I'd been kissed,
Thought I'd been loved,
But it was nothing like this.

You can't describe the sea,
Unless you been there before.
It's just a mystery,
Until your standing on the shore,
And moved by every wave
Taking your breath away like you do,
To me.

Thought I'd been touched,
Thought I'd been kissed,
Thought I'd been loved,
But it was nothing nothing like this.

It's like another life,
Like I haven't felt a thing, until you.

Thought I'd been touched,
Thought I'd been kissed,
Thought I'd been loved,
But it was nothing like this.

Ohhhhh hooo
It was nothing like this

Ohhhhhh ohhhhhhh ohh

Nothing like, nothing like this.


I am also linking up to Miss Angie's linky party.  Check out all the wonderful songs other people have been listening to.

Musical Mondays at My So-Called Chaos></a>

There's nothing in my life, <br />
I'd say I regret, <br />
But there's something in your eyes that makes me forget, <br />
The times that I believed that love was good as love could be, <br />
I had it all, but I was wrong.<br />
<br />
Thought I'd been touched, <br />
Thought I'd been kissed, <br />
Thought I'd been loved, <br />
But it was nothing like this.<br />
<br />
You can't describe the sea, <br />
Unless you been there before.<br />
It's just a mystery, <br />
Until your standing on the shore, <br />
And moved by every wave <br />
Taking your breath away like you do, <br />
To me.<br />
<br />
Thought I'd been touched, <br />
Thought I'd been kissed, <br />
Thought I'd been loved, <br />
But it was nothing nothing like this.<br />
<br />
It's like another life, <br />
Like I haven't felt a thing, until you.<br />
<br />
Thought I'd been touched, <br />
Thought I'd been kissed, <br />
Thought I'd been loved, <br />
But it was nothing like this.<br />
<br />
Ohhhhh hooo<br />
It was nothing like this<br />
<br />
Ohhhhhh ohhhhhhh ohh<br />
<br />
Nothing like, nothing like this.<br />
<br />
<div class=


Friday, May 23, 2014

Friday Confessional

It is Friday and you all know what that means?  Yep you guessed it, time to fess up.  Come join the fun over at Aubrey's High-Heeled Love.  She host this little party every Friday.

I confess...

I am so looking forward to the three days off yet dreading the day we go back.  Over time has already been approved.

I confess...

My youngest is home again.  I have mixed emotions, NOW I am scared.  I was not while he was in the hospital.  I am very tired today.  I set my alarm every three hours to check on him.

I confess...

I have to get my rear in gear and make some party decorations.  I ordered the cake topper last night.  I cannot believe my grandson will be 3 in two weeks.  YIKES!!!

I confess...
  I am definitely going to get a picture of Matthew with this one.

The Herky Parade 2 pictures are going slowly. I only have 2 of the 82.  Now that Noah is home, I will have a bit more free time.

I confess...

My flower pots will be completed this weekend and I am looking forward to it.  I also have to wash the deck prior.  I cannot wait to sit out there in the morning with my book and coffee.   I love weather like we are having.

I confess...

This confession is a little boring, but right now I am perfectly fine with a little boring.

What are you confessing this week?


Sunday, May 18, 2014

Sunday's Song

Lyrics are included in the video.  This song is for you Noah.  I love you!

Why this dedication?  Please read:
Did I Miss Something?  Part One
Did I Miss Something?  Part Two

I am linking up to Miss Angie's Musical Monday.

Musical Mondays

Did I Miss Something? Part Two

Part 2

My world feels as if it is spinning out of control lately and I have to grab the world by it's axis and set it back in it's place.  It has definitely been rocked and not in the good manner.

Monday when I came home things were normal busy.  Work is always stressful on Mondays, I rushed home. Todd picked up Taj from daycare.  I was busy trying to get dinner completed, Taj was running in and out of the kitchen wanting something. My youngest comes out to me wearing my cashmere scarf saying something like he is so awesome he can pull off this look.  I just look at him and chuckle and then tell him to take it off because it is too warm for that scarf and he will make it stink more than he has already made it stink by wearing it this past winter and how I have to take it to the dry cleaner to get cleaned.  {He is still in that phase of thinking it is okay not to be so clean.} He does as I ask and then shortly later he comes into the kitchen stating this is a good look and how he really likes it.  Again, he mentions how awesome he is and it will work on him. He has his collar standing straight up and the shirt completely buttoned up.  I chuckle once more and reach out to it stating that the 80's style is coming back but he need to have it away from his neck a little and unbutton the top button.  He stated no he likes it just as it is.  I then went on and told him how his father wore his collar up when I first met him.  Nothing different with his attitude. He was acting the same he always does. He laughed during dinner and all was normal, so I thought.  I definitely missed something! {Now, I know he was trying to cover up the rope burns.} I managed to make it through the entire day with out one tear or watery eyes.  

Next day started like usual.  My youngest is typically in the shower when I leave. I tap on the bathroom door and tell him I love him and hope he has a good day, he yells back that he loves me and hopes I have a good one too.  Near ten am I get a call from the school.  The guy tells me my son has been in his office now for a more than an hour and he would like to have a meeting with me. {sigh} I am thinking great he was tardy to school again. The first three months of this year he has been tardy a total of 11 days.  That is a lot of days being tardy.  I thought great we are now moving to the next disciplinary action with this.  I mention something about me checking to see if I can take a longer lunch hour and make up the time.  The guy then tells me he does not mean to scare me but he has to come right out with it.  My son tried to hang himself the night before and has significant rope burns around his neck from the attempt. I tell him I am on my way.

Naturally I called my husband and told him.  I also frantically called my ex's family to try to find my ex.{He keeps his phone number and address from me. No clue why because I was not the stalker and personally I can care less, it only matters when it comes to the boys.}  No matter how much I hate the man and yes, I hate him, I will always do what is the right thing for my children if I have the power.  I know he has some doing with my youngest feeling like he has no value and he is their father.  I rushed to the school and my husband met up with me.  The school counselor and my youngest were in his office.  I heard him tell me how he tried three times to hang himself.  Yes, not once but three attempts! I kept asking what did I miss?  He shared with me he was depressed but he did not act like it.  Why did I not act on it?  I honestly thought he was playing one of his attention getting tricks because he did not act depressed. 

We took him to the ER and they ask questions, I hear more details.  Why did I not act on this?  Why did I not notice it was more than just the typical teen blues?  I do not think I am in denial.  He just did not show the typical depression signs at least what I thought were signs.  I do not know I must have missed something while I was grieving!  He did research on the most effective way to hang someone.  He has an Internet friend he has never met, {Whoa back up.  Yes, I have met several friends from whom I have made friends with via Internet, I even met my husband from a dating web site, but I got to know these people and never gave my address to them. Well a couple for swapping parties.}  This friend of his, he met through online gaming and I did not think much of it at first. He talked a lot about him but he also talks a lot about his other friends to me.  One day he told me how this friend is going to visit him this summer.  I looked at him and asked if his parents were making a stop while they are on vacation here?  Why would they come from Canada to Iowa?  He told me no, just his friend and he gave him our address.

Red flags were waving big time with me about this friendship.  We had a conversation about the dangers of the Internet and how some people are not who they say they are and how there are wicked people in this world. He looked at me like a typical teenager would look at their parent and I heard less about this friend from this point on.  I have found out from the doctors they want me to check into this friend more. I guess this friend has discussed in length about killing himself. They felt this friend may have planted the seed.  After what I told them everything I know about this friend they plan on having an Internet safety class which my son will attend.  We ended up committing him.  He is there still getting help. I was very against anti-depressants for adolescents because when my oldest was taking them eleven years ago he was that 8% black box warning.  The doctors printed out research and explained he needs this in order to become well, a year the tops.  After reading the research talking to the doctors I told them to go ahead with medication.  {One thing nice about this is my ex is finally backing me up with decisions and doing what is best for our boys.  This is the way it should have always gone.  I hope he continues this path because it is the best for them.}

When I visit my youngest {the second visit was the worst} he is having problems accepting there will be changes in the house.  He disagrees with the restrictions which will be in place.  I have to proof our house to be a safe house.  He will be limited on the Internet.  He will be limited where he can go.  He will have no privacy because I will have to look at everything.  He hates all of this. He feels he found meaning and we should not be punishing him. We should be trusting him. We have tried to explain that it is not punishment it is protecting.  I do have faith in him, that he does want to be healthier, the trust will come when I know he is better, until then restrictions will be in place, some for a shorter amount of time than others.  This is going to be a long and bumpy ride my friends, long and very bumpy.

The way my youngest seeks attention in some ways, I feel he has gotten exactly what he wanted, he is like his friends now on medication and has everyones attention. I know that is sad to say but I cannot help feel this way.  I cannot help feel this is why he does not get why he is going through what he is now.  He thought go to the hospital talk a little be placed on meds and WA-LA go back to life as you have known it.  He seriously thought this.  Life cannot be as it was before regardless if it was an act of his past pattern for attention or if he seriously has depression.  I mean HE SERIOUSLY ATTEMPTED TO TAKE HIS LIFE the mediation of  the act being because he actually has depression or attention does not matter at one bit.  He does need help.  The doctors have complimented me and told me they are proud I have restrictions and they are proud that I am not trying to being his friend and plan to follow through even with all the tears and anger he is displaying.  They told me this is a good mother.  Although I have always felt this way, I do feel I failed in some ways because I missed something.

Yes, I have anger issues about this. Yes, I  have guilt about this. Yes, I was shocked that he would do something like this when he talked down to another friend who did something like this. Yes, I am very concerned about this.  Yes, I have cried over it.  Yes, I think he was being selfish.  Yes, I think he was crying out for help.  Regardless how I feel  I did miss something and beating myself up over it is not going to help him or anyone.  At this point, no more tears in front of my children only a strong woman once again.  Behind my doors the wild and lunatic will be let out of her shell.  I know my husband can handle it.  He is my rock.
I guess the main thing I want you to take away from my post is that this can happen to anyone.  Know the signs, evaluate, and get help even if it is just something you think is just the typical blues.  It may just be that but do not wait like I did. Do not miss something because you may not be as lucky as I am.  My youngest is still alive.


Saturday, May 17, 2014

Did I Miss Something? Part One

When I created my little blog here a few years back I wanted a title to reflect who I am yet also connect with the Beatles.  I had a blog prior where I was totally incognito and expressed true feelings.  The blog was rather dark and more of a journal and sometimes ugly places what I have overcome or working on.  It was my electronic journal to become a healthier me.  I loved the name The Long And Winding Road because I felt it was so appropriate, most of us who are trying to become healthier do have a long and winding road to travel to get to our healthier place.  I reflected back through my life and felt I have overcome so much in my life, good and bad.  You cannot have one without the other to truly enjoy the good but I would have never made it alone, so With A Little Help From My Friends just seemed like a good choice.  I have relied on my friends/family  now it is time for my youngest to do the same.

Since 2011 life has definitely been a roller coaster of emotions after tearing my walls down and completely letting my Dad back into my life.  Forgiveness was definitely earned.  One thing I have learned over the past month since my Dad died is I have a lot of guilt.  Guilt for not being there physically when he died.  I know he understood and it will be something I have to work through and will over come.  This roller coaster I have been on has only gotten worse and scarier.

Depression:  Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depression, major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and depression may make you feel as if life isn't worth living.

                                   source for picture
Now, I have been diagnosed in my past with major depression and grief can be a situation depression.  Depression is more than just blue days and sometimes it is accompanied with hopelessness.   Depression can be situational, seasonal, hereditary, environmental,and sometimes all of the above.  Depression can sneak up on one too and catch you off guard.  Depression can lead to so many other issues one of them suicide.

My youngest is a follower.  He has had a friend who was diagnosed as ADD.  He looked up the symptoms of ADD and came to me stating he thought he showed signs of ADD and felt he should go to the doctor to get medicine too.  Another time he had a friend who was given sleeping pills because he had problems sleeping, so my son thought I should schedule an appointment to see the doctor to get sleeping pills for him too since he had sleeping pills.  A friend he found out was cutting and naturally he began to do the same thing.  A couple of months back he had a friend who tried to kill himself and was committed.  He told me he felt depressed.  He told me he had a loss of appetite and that was one of the symptoms of chronic depression.  You see a pattern here?  He would eat smaller amounts at meals but shortly after the meals he would eat nearly half the package of cookies. I kept my eye on him and he showed no signs of depression except an occasional blue moment but teens have blue moments.  I so seriously hate the ages of 13-15 years, so many hormones and the teenager has such a difficult time trying to figure out those feelings they become aliens.

signs of depression in kids

My son did not show these signs.  I did not notice them.  I seriously watched for them.  He is a follower.  I did not see him grieve any for his grandfather, but who knows I was grieving.  Maybe I missed something.  His behavior did not change any.  Did I miss something?
One day about a month before my Dad died my youngest came to me he was very upset.  He told me he could not see his future.  I asked him what did he mean.  He told me he sees nothing.  I again asked what did he mean, like a mate, children, a career, where he wants to live?  He said yeah, all of that, when he tries to think of the future he sees nothing.  I just told him he is 14 years old and it is fine not to see the future like that.  He is too young to worry about it, right now he does not have those responsibilities, his responsibilities are school, following rules, and being a kid.  He seemed better after we talked.  I watched for signs and saw nothing.  He would laugh with his friends, he would follow me around and talk my ear off one day and keep to his room the next.  A typical middle school kid at times moody.  Never not once did he ever mention to me or his brothers he was suicidal.  Did we miss something?  Was I so caught up in my own grief that I missed something?

This post will be split up into two parts.


Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Spring & My Rock Makes Me Happy

I just absolutely love Spring time.  I am not sure if Spring, Summer, or Fall is my favorite season.  I love all three.  I can say without a doubt Winter is my least favorite.  Spring is so special because it is a time for rebirth.  I love listening to the birds chirp while laying in bed in the morning with the windows open.  I love the flowers blooming and trees budding new leaves.  I love the beginning of gardening.  A couple of weeks after my Dad died we were finally able to get out into our yard and take care of it.  We neglected it from October on due to going to Des Moines every weekend.  One of our neighbors even made a comment to my son, Ethan about how we are finally getting to it.  He just said something like yeah, it is the first time since the middle of October we have not gone to Des Moines.  Our neighbor just gave him a weird look I guess.  {sigh}  Our neighbor to our right is rather un-neighborly often to us. Oh well, his problem.  Our yard when the leaves are picked up and the sticks is beautiful in my eyes.

 I just love the mini daffodils. 

 The two toned pink are one of my favorites.

 I decided I am going to cut some of my flowers and bring them indoors this year.
I have never done this with any of my flowers.
I do not know why because they smell divine.
Spring makes me HAPPY!!!  It has been awhile since I posted about what makes me HAPPY.  I think it is time for re-birth at With A Little Help From My Friends.  Post like this will have to make a weekly appearance once again.

You know what else makes me HAPPY?  My rock.   Yes, that is right.  My best friend, my husband is definitely my rock.  I love this man with every once of me {Let me tell you, this gal has a lot of ounces too.}  I do not know how I could have survived the past month especially without him.  He has been there in so many ways.  I love how he takes care of me. How he looks out for my children as well as his own.  How is such a wonderful Papa to our little Taj.  I am so blessed to have my rock in my life.

What makes you HAPPY?


Monday, May 12, 2014

Starburst Mirror. . . Yes, Please!

I have been slowly re-decorating our house to make it feel mine too.  This year my goal is to finish both living rooms and re-decorate the master bedroom.  We have had different bedding and have added chairs and a different entertainment center but the bed was Todd's and his ex wife's, wait scratch that we did get new mattress a year ago so it is their old head board.  I am going to make a new headboard.  Yes, that is right I am going to make it.  I cannot wait and hope my vision for our bedroom turns out exactly how I plan.  I love it when visions come true.  It did with the kitchen and I love love love my kitchen.  I plan to add a few new items sometime in the near future, things I never thought of then.

One thing I plan on making for the master bedroom is a starburst mirror.  I love them.  I found several different DIY styles on Pinterest.  Here are my favorites:
 This one is made out of plastic spoons.  
I love the ombre colors

DIY wall starburst mirror 
I cannot find the actual instructions on this one but I think I can figure it out.

DIY - Sunburst mirror made with colored PENCILS! Brilliant!
This one is made with pencils.  
Magazine Mirror. This would also work for a holiday wreath. I love the thought of recycling old magazines into something else.
Rolled up magazine pages

 DIY lighted starburst mirror tree topper
I would not add the lights but this one is made out of skewers and garden stakes.

 Cool decorating idea using cardboard
Cardboard from a cereal box.

Wooden slabs, I think wood shimmies would work too

danielle oakey interiors: thrifty tuesdays: DIY sunburst mirror
This one used flat wood sticks and an embroidery hoop.
The next several images are different styles using dowels
diy starburst mirror | diy starburst mirror using skewers. | DIY
How To Make a Sunburst Porch Mirror | Apartment Therapy


At this point, I am not sure which one I am leaning towards.  I love all of the styles and different mediums.  I do know I want it above the headboard.  Originally I wanted a painting above the headboard but I have changed my mind on that.  The painting I have found a different home for once the room has been re-decorated. 


He Loves Me