Thursday, August 20, 2015


Our house is going through a lot of changes right now, thus why I was away for a week.  Christian (a.k.a. Noah) came home on August 8th.  He was so happy to be home, he hugged Todd.  I cannot ever remember him hugging Todd do not get me wrong they have had a good relationship but he has never hugged him.   He told me how much he missed home.  His spirits were up.  He and Ethan got a long.  I have been trying to get him back on a schedule.

Ethan last week was so frustrating, he was going to be physically moving out on Saturday August 15th and he had very little packed.  He kept going out with friends and working.  He would stay out late, sleep all day, when he was home and awake it seemed like all he did was play games then it happened.  His bedroom was emptied.  An empty bedroom.  At one time I had this smiling boy, the next he was spreading his wings and moved across town to live with his brother.  Now, there is only one home with us.

I did not like the empty room.  It was too hard to see, so we started to fill the closets and added a bed for guest and Taj's toys.  Our living room is now not a toy room as well.  I have been working over time as well this month, so between it all I am tired.

Back to I mean Christian.  He made City Lights which is one of the swing choirs, it is mainly Freshman/Sophomore Swing Choir.  It has been great, this has been an incentive for him to bring up his grades at the end of the year.  He signed a contract and in this contract, he cannot miss a lot of school, he has to pass all of his classes, and he cannot drink/smoke/or do drugs.  It has been great watching him so excited and seeing him caring about things again...

One thing I have learned with being his Mom and I know it is horrible to say, we (Todd and I) are always waiting for the other shoe to drop with him and it has.  Tonight I came home and he was down.  He is closing up and will not share what is going on.  He told me he is going to drop out of show choir now.  I just do not know what to say about this.  I cannot keep going on with battling him to do the right things.  I begged him not to do this, to sit on it for awhile and allow his emotions to connect again because I do not want him to be sorry later.  I also told him the group depended on him. 

I have no clue what to do, school starts on Monday and his spirits are not in a good place at all.  This is so damn frustrating!



  1. Noah changed his name? Why?
    I totally understand the up/down frustration. I know everyone says to be patient, but that's difficult. My first cousin was like that (depression, and bipolar, are lovely in those constant swings). Is there any medication he can go on to even the mood/emotion out? Some of it, obviously, has to be him exerting control over his reactions to things....but some of it could be outside his control, and biochemical. I know with my parents, we basically weren't allowed to quit. I'd come home hating whatever extracurricular I was in, and they wouldn't let me drop out. I'd hate them for it, for a little while, but it always ended up that I loved the extracurricular again, and that being in it improved my life. Hopefully, it's the same for him with Swing Choir (is that swing, as in rockabilly? Because that's amazeballs).

  2. Ditto what Beth said. His show choir sounds like a wonderful opportunity for him, to be apart of something bigger than himself. I would encourage it as much as you can. Shelley didn't want to be on a riding team this year (her senior year) but with homeschooling especially I wanted her to be a part of a group where she contributes and it's about a community, not just herself.

    I know it's hard when you have one leave the nest. But just keep focusing on Ethan's accomplishments. I had to giggle that his timeline didn't jive with yours....that's definitely a male trait: doing things by the seat of their pants!!!

  3. No walk on the park for you. Again. Yes, waiting the boot to drop seems the normal for you but I'd like to see you not in such anxiety or fear for it... Let go. Be firm on some but let go in the emotional - your emotional - chain. Be a little more selfish... take care of Jolene, her likes, her life... and I feel it would work with Noah. I always feel that, even unbeknown, he likes to rattle the chains and see action happen due to it... at least I think it does, and makes wonders with you and you and Todd. That's why those getaways only the two of you work wonders in you, him and your life.
    Bring Jolene first. Please.
    Love you,
    Why is Noah changing his name?

  4. Hi Jolene, I'm sorry things are so tough for you. Being a Mom is difficult. Just hang in there and maintain your loving ways. Hope your weekend is good. Patty


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