Saturday, April 9, 2016

I Hate You April 9th!

HATE is such a strong word, and one I rarely use but I do HATE April 9th, it is almost like my 9/11.
It is so hard to believe today marks the 2nd Anniversary of my Dad passing.  I really have come to terms with it but his birthday and this day are my toughest days.  I am trying my best not to cry today because that is what my Dad would want.  He told me he did not want a headstone because he did not want his girls to cry for him and go to a place and morn him.
Above: One of my favorite pictures of Lisa, Dad, Mom, and me.
 Below: Our last family picture
It is wrong for me to be sad because that is just being selfish but I do miss him, but today I will remember him not morn him.

My Dad battled cancer for two and half years and he was so brave.  It was only two months after he was diagnosed he was told he had six months by the first set of doctors. Six months later, his oncologist gave him six months.  My Dad kept going.  He would tell me he had nothing to complain about and keep going.  He would tell me he thought it was all an insurance scam because he felt healthy.  He did not believe he had cancer.  He took his medicine and kept on going.  For two years he did this and then cancer started to beat him.  My Dad took this bravely too.
Above: My Dad's side of the family early 80's at his brother's wedding.
On the left is my immediate family.  Front two younger girls,
my sisters, Katie (far left) and Amy.  Behind Katie, is me, then there is a gap,
the lady in red with glasses is my Mom.  Behind me is my sister, Lisa and 
next to her is my Dad.
Below:  My boys, Mom, and Dad about 6 months before he was diagnosed.
Joshua's Graduation. 
Christmas with my Dad.  
Above: My boys (minus Matthew), Me and Dad
Below: Dad with all of the grandchildren minus Matthew,
Fred, and Julie.
 Above: Our last Christmas we had with my Dad.
Below: My Dad at the Iowa State Fair with two of his granddaughters (left and the middle) and one of his great granddaughters and great grandson.
 Above: My Dad and Miranda.  They had a very special relationship.
Below: My Dad and his first grandson Fred and great grandson
 Below same great grandson hugging my Dad near the end.
 Above: A conversation between my Dad and his great grandson.
 Above: My Dad with his great grandson and great granddaughter
Below: My Dad with his grandson Fred, my sister Lisa, and first great grandchild's birth.
 Above: Dad holding Miranda
Below: Dad being silly with his granddaughter
 Above: Dad with another granddaughter
Below: Dad, my sister, Lisa and two more great grandchildren.
 Below: My Dad with his first granddaughter
Above: Dad with Amy and his grandson
Below: My Mom, Katie, her husband, Dad, and granddaughters 
 Above: My Dad with his youngest two daughters, my sisters, Katie and Amy
Below: My Dad with his oldest two daughter, me and Lisa.
My parents had a ten year gap between the two middle children.
 Below: One of my favorite Christmas memories,
My Dad and Mom kissing under the mistletoe.
My Dad had 7 grandsons, 4 granddaughters,
 2 great grandsons, and 2 great granddaughters.
He had 4 daughters.
He had 4 brothers and 3 sisters.
My Dad lost his Dad to cancer years ago and his Mom is still here.
He had sister in-laws and brother in-laws
13 nieces and nephews and several greats and great-greats.
He loved each and everyone of us.
My Dad told me several times how sorry he was for the choices he made in his life.  He did this two years before he was diagnosed with Cancer but said it more often after he was diagnosed with it.  He loved his family and wished he did not waste as many years away from us.
My Dad had such a great sense of humor.  He would always try to make you laugh.  I was told he did this up to the end, his sister stuck out her tongue at him as she was leaving and my Dad returned the love by sticking his tongue back at her.
My Dad loved his family.  My Grandmother cried and cried at his bed side the last night but my Dad comforted her and told her he will always be with her.

My Dad is no longer suffering and I know he is in heaven with his Father and Grandparents.  He is also with his Grandson, Randall.  My Dad sends reminders to me  and visits me in my dreams from time to time.  I know my Dad is still with me.  I am thankful one day, I know I will see him again when it is my time to enter eternal life in heaven.  However, while I am here on earth, I will still hate April 9th.



  1. Aw Jolene I'm so sorry for this day of sorrow for you. :( I wish there was something I could say to make it less painful but sometimes we have to ride these things out the best we can. There really isn't one way to grieve. We grieve how we grieve. I still cry about my dad, nearly everytime I think about him or someone brings him up. I miss him so much.. Cry if you need to. Your dad will understand.. <3


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